Tuesday, 10 February 2009
Free and Easy
I would never trade my husband, my mundane life, or my small loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become kinder to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own best friend. I don't belittle myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement garden gnome that I didn't need, but looks so avante garde in my garden. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be a bit extravagant once in a while.
I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.
Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 1 AM and sleep until 10? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60 &70's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love ... I will.
I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set. They, too, will get old.
I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things.
Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can one's heart not break when one loses a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when a beloved pet passes on? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.
I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have seldom laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver. As I get older, it is easier to be positive. I care less about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore.
I've even earned the right to be wrong.
I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day (if I feel like it).