Tuesday, 31 March 2009

It's Okay, It's Okay

Yesterday I had a meeting 18 miles away from my office. So I got into our very reliable old Mondeo (over 100,000 miles on her) and off I went. Well, the trip was doomed from the start. I couldn’t find the poxy place with the sat nav because all of the streets were pedestrianised. Finally I found the place but couldn’t find where to park. A half hour later, I found the parking and of course, it was chocker block.

I left the meeting half hour early as it turned out to be not as worthwhile as I had thought it would be. Motoring on along a country road, the car jolted with a hug bang and it took everything I had to control the car. Ah yes, lovely winding narrow East Anglian road. Where to pull off safely? Finally I was able to pull off the road and got out to check the car. TWO flat tires, one with a hole the size of a 50p coin and both rims smashed in as though someone took a sledge hammer to them.

With shaking hands I dug out the recovery service number and my mobile phone. No signal. Sigh. I just got a new work’s mobile phone yesterday . Pulled that out, no signal. Clenching teeth I looked around for any stores, etc. Ah yes, a huge herd of sheep across the road, and on my side two houses that look like they haven’t been inhabited in 15 years. About a mile back I thought I saw a paper shop. So off I went down the road to use the paper shop’s phone. I was to do this again 5 more times in the 3 and a half hours, desperately recalling my insurance company asking where the *&^% wrecker was?????? The rest of the time I spent standing by my car shivering and forlorned. Two men stopped to change my tire until they saw that it was two tires. One of them, Russell, bless him, stayed with me the rest of the time until the wrecker came. He said he wouldn’t leave a woman in a “muddle”. I really don't know what would have happened to me if it wasn't for those two blessed souls (Russell and the lady at the paper shop).

Edwin and I have been married now for several years and there has been precious little cause for him to become cross with me. Any heated arguments we have seem to be over silly things like turning the heat up and down or where to locate our hen house. When this happened, the old feeling came back, and I could see my ex-husband’s face two inches from mine, screaming at me and hating me for my folly. When the wrecker finally pulled into the dealership’s I could feel hot tears on my cheeks and the poor man driving asked if I would be all right with my husband. My lip trembled and I muttered that my ex-husband was abusive but that Edwin wasn’t and all would be well. I was horrified that Himself could reach out from my past and make me feel so horrid. I hated him for sewing seeds of doubt in my mind.
When Edwin pulled into the dealership he held me, told me that he was so glad that I wasn’t hurt and that we would sort it out. No fuss, no anger, no blame - just quiet, warmth and that blessed wink. The whole three hours that I waited for the wrecker I pondered why this happened out of the blue and though I knew in my heart that Edwin would not react badly . . . . still. Now I know that it probably helped to remind me that this marriage truly was different. Life can be easy even in times of trial. I really am worth someone’s love and care. BIG Reminder! Lesson learned.



  2. How frigtening Susie. I know only too well how the ghosts of the past can strike out and slap you from time to time. It's a horrible feeling. I have flash backs every once in a while of my ex and his abuse. I guess you never really forget completely. Thank goodness you have your Edwin and I have my Todd, two understanding blokes that love us dearly. XXOO